Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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