I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
