apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
