He kissed a someone with a penis
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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