He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Who died my cat blue again?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize