You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
