I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
