No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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