So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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