Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
