I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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