My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
