yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
