wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
