The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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