the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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