Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
