Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
