Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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