She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You pole danced in your parka.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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