New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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