we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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