I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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