After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize