You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize