why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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