Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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