we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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