Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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