Quick, to the slutcave!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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