At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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