on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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