I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
