Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
