it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
