I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
