it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize