I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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