there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
