We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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