you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
