I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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