i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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