just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
