david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
vagina is talking i cant
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
