He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
