I need help removing her.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His hands were made for my vagina.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
