he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Come on in and take your pants off
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