who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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