apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
