STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
