Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
