dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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