I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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