I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
