just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
