Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
