Jerry, you need to find god
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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