I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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