Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
