He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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