mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
