TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
