wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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