i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
