I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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