i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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