The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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