I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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