i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
