I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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